The Ballad of the Paper Rose continues on, as I welcome Will, officially into my life.
I've never been with someone so cool, calm, silent and who understands me. Someone who's understood pain and knows how to set that aside to do what's needed. Someone who gracefully welcomes every aspect of me into his life. Someone who selflessly takes care of me with no reciprocity demanded.
This is new and frustrating and sublime; I think that paper rose has withered away, and left in its stead, acceptance and peace.
Friday, December 28, 2018
Wednesday, September 05, 2018
Every. Small. Victory.
Today did not go as planned. As much, if not more than, usual. Yoga really helped, teaching me how to breathe and all.
I'm sorry that I haven't written in a long while, but I think, seeing as how I'm on the verge of burnout, the very possibility of me writing but at all is dissipating with every passing day.
Let's just say, in the desperation of all that needed to be done, with very little promise of output or a light at the end of the tunnel, none of the pieces of my week's jigsaw puzzle fit. Instead, apparently, I was playing a very wrong hand of the domino effect, as one piece knocked down the next. And then the next and the next after that.
In my defeat, I sat timidly in my Uber Express Pool (much to the disapproval of many friends who would never do discount public transportation). And having taken my attention off my filling inbox on the screen smeared with pho stains (I had gotten to soften the blow of the day) and crumbs from my messy bag (remnants of the fortune cookie that promised the opposite of what this day brought), I found myself in the middle of a conversation between the other passenger, a middle-aged woman who in Pakistan was an MD and now a formidable social worker in San Francisco, and the driver, an Angolan from SoCal who was an esteemed history professor in his home country. Both, happy go lucky as you can be in a shitshow of an administration that disapproves of either of them as immigrants formidable in their own right, education and station in life, and yet humbled and content with the freedoms they had in this country.
"Merci," I said to him as I reached my destination, to which I also added, "bon chance." And he gave me an even bigger smile that reminded me, I am lucky to have a day like this. A day that could be fixed in the next one or the one after. Because I am lucky to be able to create the opportunity for, and celebrate, every small victory.
I'm sorry that I haven't written in a long while, but I think, seeing as how I'm on the verge of burnout, the very possibility of me writing but at all is dissipating with every passing day.
Let's just say, in the desperation of all that needed to be done, with very little promise of output or a light at the end of the tunnel, none of the pieces of my week's jigsaw puzzle fit. Instead, apparently, I was playing a very wrong hand of the domino effect, as one piece knocked down the next. And then the next and the next after that.
In my defeat, I sat timidly in my Uber Express Pool (much to the disapproval of many friends who would never do discount public transportation). And having taken my attention off my filling inbox on the screen smeared with pho stains (I had gotten to soften the blow of the day) and crumbs from my messy bag (remnants of the fortune cookie that promised the opposite of what this day brought), I found myself in the middle of a conversation between the other passenger, a middle-aged woman who in Pakistan was an MD and now a formidable social worker in San Francisco, and the driver, an Angolan from SoCal who was an esteemed history professor in his home country. Both, happy go lucky as you can be in a shitshow of an administration that disapproves of either of them as immigrants formidable in their own right, education and station in life, and yet humbled and content with the freedoms they had in this country.
"Merci," I said to him as I reached my destination, to which I also added, "bon chance." And he gave me an even bigger smile that reminded me, I am lucky to have a day like this. A day that could be fixed in the next one or the one after. Because I am lucky to be able to create the opportunity for, and celebrate, every small victory.
Earth-Shattering Revelation #36: Need heroes now more than ever. And as life imitates art, they're often no longer in the places we naturally tend to look.
Current Music: Otis Redding - “I’ve Got Dreams to Remember”
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)