Worried Again

Wow how confusing. And consuming. So I can never get to sleep at night because I have so many thoughts. I don’t do the to-do-lists anymore, which is a mistake. I don’t write down homework anymore, which is a mistake. I don’t really care anymore, which is the biggest mistake. And now, it’s beginning to bite me in the ass because its haunting me at night when I have nothing else to do but lay in the darkness and not be tired when the rest of Rome is fast asleep. That’s why I am still up writing this. And sending “damage control” emails so that I can at least keep the demons at bay until I get home.

There is so much to do still here. And time is running out. It is sad. And when I get home I have things waiting for me. Teaching. Job. Parents. Place to live. Resident Assistantship. Thesis. Second degree black belt. School. PSFA. Trips. Life.

Rome is still amazing.

They're Back, and Now I'm Back

Holy shit. Fall break is over. Like today. ALSO! Facebook has now allowed albums to be uploaded so you can check everything out inlcuding words and pictures through my profile. Take that yahoo! Now all I have to worry about keeping updated is the facebook profile and this blog. I am happy. And facebook is getting damn good at making it so.

Anyway. I am a little tired. It is 6:02 am here in Rome. People have just begun to come home from their trips abroad, and I am getting tired of being so damn alone. We watched the Tianjin Chinese Orchestra last night and tonight we watched the Amityville Horror here and now I am sitting through the morning updating things and being unproductively productive. I know I am not making sense, but that is partly the hour and partly the amounts of white wine I have had to drink. Oh, and also i called my mommy and daddy. They are happy that I am happy and asked if a) I still have money and b) If I am eating enough. I said yes to both.

I miss my dog. And I miss KFC. And I miss the ability to drive and also the 24 hour studios. And I miss all of you. But I am going to purchase tickets to see the SHAOLIN MONKS live here in Rome on their tour; I am NOT however going to see the ROME LAZIO soccer match tomorrow. I hear its big. I need a fucking haircut. My sideburns are getting long and obnoxious. And a mullet [though socially accepted and i think actually preferred here] is resulting from my not getting a haircut in a long time and the accelerated growth of the hair on the back of my head. weird. or wierd. Not sure.

But I am happy. And not alone anymore.

:)

Tomorrow, I am going to let Dan Brown's Angels and Demons take me on a tour of Bernini's Rome. It is going to be fun, exciting, and educational...

...but i kinda feel like a dork. Oh well. Most people will never have this opportunity.

Solo Strong

I guess I’ve gotten used to this. Break is upon us, and everyone, in a frenzy, up and left for parts unknown, leaving me alone here at the apartment, in Rome. I guess that makes me a townie in Rome.

Today though I left the apartment lazily at around 3 pm, hopefully to get to Piazza del Popolo to hang out in the few hours before mass at Santa Maria at 5 (or so I thought). I quickly found that time for the mass would be at 6:30, also having forgot that the entire thing save for the liturgy and eucharist would be in italian (the rest was in latin, which was actually the easy part). So I had more time to kill I guess. The sun quickly drifted across that late afternoon sky as I sat on the banister to the beautiful piazza, the steps to the Pincio gardens above me and the masses and hourdes of tourists and churchgoers on the cobblestones beneath. My throne rested on the one way road that coursed around the “place of the people” next to a statue that carefully guarded me and my new book, Dan Brown’s Angels & Demons. As soon as I finished The Perks of Being a Wallflower, I hungered for more, actually in the same genre as such, but came upon Brown easily, having stumbled into Faltrinelli’s in Piazza Venezia on my solo downtown excursion last night. I had strapped up in my thin leather coat and sneakers, digital camera and tripod and a couple of dollars and hopped the subway to Saint Peter’s Basilica at Vatican City, which apparently earlier that day, was host to the Pope’s ride on his mobile around the square packed with thousands of people for his rare public appearances. Speaking of which, I don’t feel quite so alone with all the people around every night when I walk into the business districts of the town, and I don’t feel quite so lost around here having felt that way for about a month and half now subsequently not even needing a map anymore. The city is well lit. And the people are jaunty and happy.

And so my break begins, after several long weeks of adjustment and torment and confusion about more than just the city. I am contemplating life back in the states when I get there but at the same time, how I am going to make this semester more memorable than it has already been. There are a lot of responsibilities waiting for me back at home, but especially now, sitting in these squares and not needing anything else to do but time to pass and pages to turn, I feel so free and wonderful.

P.S. I got my wings and beer where? A place none other than our very own Hard Rock Café, Rome. Expensive, but well deserved…finally. Oh yeah…and fuck Capri…no need to go to an expensive island for a beautiful beach you can find an hour’s train ride out of Rome…;)

I Am Here

Note to myself: Sperlonga...Mongolian Barbecue All-You-Can-Eat...Pimp my Vespa...Smelly Subways...Pizza...Dad's Birthday Call...Best Drawings Ever...Falling in Love on a Daily Basis...Learning how to make one dish last a Semester...Rome is the the most AMAZING place I have ever been to...Italian Bellydancer...Villa Borghese...A-Style.

The past weeks have been quite an experience. On a daily basis, even though I have to fight to open my eyes and wake up, it doesn't take much to remind myself that I am waking to a Roman morning. The sound of urban chaos and the smell of morning coffee fills my first minutes, but a stretch and falling out of bed usually does the trick. Everyday I find myself loving this city more and more, but quite oppositely I see even more challenges that i have to consider. The porters in charge of the residents for example. They don't really seem to like us. I don't know why that is.

I draw lots of things now. Everything actually. For the first time in a long time, I carry my sketchbook around and I look at things a lot differently and I see my friends every day and I find inspiration in the work I see in the studio and in the work that's been sitting around for thousands of years and I try to tell myself that I belong here and when I do that I just feel like an insect among gods...so small. I love it and even so, it makes me sad that I will have to go away eventually and not call this place home anymore. Something about being lost makes me feel so comfortable. Being lost and not knowing what to do or even not having anything to do just makes me feel free beyond any freedom I have ever felt.

Yesterday, I woke up and sunlight sifted through the shades of the windows into the room, leaving beams of light that illuminated the space in a bluish hazy glow. It was amazing. Rome is amazing.

I miss my doggy beagle puppy. And I miss my family and friends. And Denny's and KFC and American Pizza. And I love "the perks of being a wallflower." Zoller - you're right it is my kind of book. You know me too well.

Earth-Shattering Revelation #17: The World Will Never Be The Same.