Cider

And then there was Cider.  A little baby frenchie we often puppsat, who now calls our home, his.  We couldn't be happier.  He's an absolute gentleman, explorer, sweetheart and cuddler...

...and he's going to be responsible for tempering a lot of me.  Which I know I need.

Woven In the Fabric

It's strange calling it a white uniform, when it is clearly stained and denatured to such off a white.

But every time I make these creases, every fold and bind, the lessons come flooding back in.  The ones that hurt, the ones that helped me put myself back together, the ones I missed, the ones I wish I could teach, the ones that changed my life.  Even reminds me of the ones that I may never learn.  I’m so desperate to pass all that on and mirror that as a teacher, but this art is meant to be experiential and not rote, most ESPECIALLY in a world that is no longer familiar with the practice of barefoot and unarmed combat.  That’s the beauty and the reality of the practice: that in the meticulously shaped and synchronized swing of arm and thrust of leg, there are a thousand worlds being explored.

A dream I didn't know I had, but really always had, came to pass today.  And I wish to god that it didn't come at the end of such an ordeal, a separation anxiety from a decade of real work and denial of need, from being neglected and taken for granted in the trenches of teaching the next generation.

My favorite teachers, and the ones I try to emulate, are the ones enlightened in understanding that they didn't have the answers to everything, and had the humility to admit that to their students with an honest and self-self-depracating sense of humor.  They were curious, investigative, communicative, and humble.  They knew how to teach because they knew how to keep learning.

The teachers we become fundamentally stem from the students always we strive to be.  Here's to the hope that I can live up to my own expectations, put away the past and become something better.

Earth-Shattering Revelation: Don't be surprised by your students' success and constantly exalt them in that.  Expect achievement and make accolades commonplace.

Honestly

2019 left me physically and emotionally drained. I've had to wear a lot of hats and not any of them particularly well, I don't think. The one that I've struggled most to keep on at my (quite unstable) core is the one labeled 'artist,' which serves to center me and still drives much of my thought and action.

An artist's life is one of pure, unapologetic passion. A thing, whether a message or a feeling, burns from within to manifest in some hopefully tangible, meaningful and always HONEST way. The only thing we must apologize for is that not everyone gets to have a voice so free, so loud. I've unleashed that voice this past year; many honest, uncomfortable conversations navigated a difficult 365 days, but offered the benefit of real solutions to problems seemingly beyond control. Many defeats, and much acceptance of both change, and tragic lack thereof, alike in the fallout. But all honest.

In this new year, new decade, let's step fully into our interactions and speak up, free of the rehearsals we often have in our heads, especially in the digital age, with tendency to edit, delete and delay. Be fearless and curious, debate, explore conflict, understand alternative viewpoints by having them (and accepting they exist for a reason) in every arena of life, and not silencing them. Many are mouthing off about our freedoms in limited, self-serving ways. The obscene twisting of their interpretations from every side has been rampant and a shameful, toxic betrayal to all who have fought for them, regardless the arena in which it may have been fought for (battlefield or not). But all's not beyond repair. 

Having a free voice means two very important things: speak (draw, paint, sing, act, move, love) wholly and HONESTLY for everything you're worth and everything you understand to be true and right. And then, more importantly, LISTEN.

Thank you for LISTENING (or more accurately, reading). Happy New Year, and yes, to many in this world, "yet another revolution around the sun", is an important unit of measure for another set of chances at doing all this better; some need that structure to operate: a green light, a form of subconscious permission. Let them have that. Whether or not that means anything to the rest, does not make today (or tomorrow or the next day) any less of an opportunity for anyone to do just that.

Earth-Shattering Revelation:  There is no levity in knowing.  There is just the burden of truth.